Torture

So last night I wrote this. Yes, I’m still working on my history piece! I told y’all it was gonna be HUGE. Anyhoo, while I have received an abundance of positivity, hope, courage, comfort, peace, and understanding since I wrote this…… I have also received revelation and gudinace with a touch of discernment that has put me at ease. However, I personally feel that this writing was too beautiful to not share (in it’s own painfully gorgeous way). Hope y’all enjoy.


The pain, the searing pain that I feel down to the very core of my soul.It goes so much deeper than just bones.  It’s an earth shattering, heart breaking and wrenching, soul tearing pain.  
It’s the pain that we all find ourselves too common experiencing. 

Heartbreak.  
This is not the first time my heart has broken and it surely is not the first time my heart has broken for the reason that it has currently.  This time for some reason it feels so much more profound and deeper than before.  There is no change that I have experienced, other than rededicating my life to God to explain this, and even with that I have had the protection of God from feeling this emotion as much as I  normally would.  

I’m literally stuck. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I pray for guidance from God and wait on his word to lead me down the path he has for me, and while I do I ask for peace, comfort, and courage.  I use to ask for strength, but I realized that asking for that usually means your going to endure more hardships to make you stronger and I’m tired of hardships for now.  Even though I will submit to as many hardships and trials as God wills, asks, and commands me to, right now I just need to breathe and get some of it out. 
I’m a  lonely person.  Now there are many different ways to interpret this and I’m sure only the ones who truly feel the same way that I do and have will understand it.  When I say lonely I don’t mean I’m lonely because I’m always alone or that I enjoy having people around me or being social the majority of the time.  Because I don’t, for a Christian I really have a hard time not hating human interaction.  What I mean to say is that even when I’m around people I’m lonely.  Even if it’s the people that I care the most about and are suppose to return those feelings.  This I suppose explains one of the reasons for my anxiety because I’m perpetually alone. Don’t get me wrong that’s not a bad thing all the time. I enjoy my alone time when I have the house to myself or when I do something by myself, I need that for my sanity and for my time with God, but when I want that human companionship especially the soulmate kind that you get from being married and it’s not there, it’s completely absent; I’m left feeling torn and tattered and used.  
You see I have never truly experienced what it is like to not be this kind of lonely.  I have God yes, and I know he is always there and always will be.  That he will never leave me or forsake me. That should be enough, that should be plenty, it should be overwhelmingly sufficient. When I got married though I assumed that this feeling would finally leave me or at least temporarily. Since I am a military wife I knew that I was going to have to experience a lot of loneliness, but not this kind, not the kind where he is right there, yet he is so far away, where no matter what I say or how I try to articulate my words it will never be enough to convey the sheer pain and fear I feel.  That’s when my ego is low enough to share these thoughts and I feel safe enough to trust him with these words.  That usually ends up being a stupid idea for various reasons.  
This time it’s all different this time I know, deep down, in my heart of hearts that this is God willing me in his direction for me. Though I may not know what direction that is yet, and if this is simply a test of my marriage or if I’m meant to not be married right now, I know that either way it’s going to get very messy and very ugly before it gets better. Simply because right before your biggest breakthrough comes your hardest struggle. “Don’t grow weary in well doing and faint not so you may reap your reward”. I sincerely hope this isn’t me growing weary and that it’s okay for me to have normal human emotions. That it’s okay to allow myself to feel the utter agony and torment that feels like my chest caving in, my heart being ripped out from chest, and my bones that are suppose to protect this precious jewel shattering all around, while the rest of me slowly sags and disintegrates into millions of tiny ashes.  Although, my mind is still intact for every single tiny little detail of an emotion. It’s completely excruciating and irrevocably terrifying.
Current Playlist:
Part That’s Holding On- Red 

East to West- Casting Crowns

Oceans- Hillsong United

Wrong Side of Heaven- Five Finger Death Punch

Desert Song- Hillsong

Shadow and Soul- Red

Lead Me to the Cross- Hillsong

Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crowns 

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Turkey Day and World History

thanksgiving2016-512x341  The holiday season is upon us! If you are anything like me you very much enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas primarily because of the food. P.S. I’m a fat kid on the inside.  With that being said, I have a huge feast that I make every year and I usually start the day before Thanksgiving.  This year though I’m starting today because I’m doing a littel bit more.

I wanted to hop on here, let y’all know what I am up to, and that I probably won’t be posting another blog for the next few to several days due to the festivities. I must also venture out on this horrid Black Friday to buy my husband his Christmas present.  Say a prayer for me and keep your fingers crossed.

The exciting news is that when I do post again I have already decided that I will be writing a rather intricate and detailed piece on World History.  I’m going to be going back all the way to ancient times.  I’m not really sure what all is going to be included yet obvisouly not all world history will be included. and it’s going to be several posts due to the length and detail of it.  I’m a super duper dork on these matters so for any of you that share this delightful interest with me stay tuned!

Happy Thanksgiving and I wish you all the best this season.

 

Peace and Love,

J.

 

Image found at: http://weightwise.com/thanksgiving-2016/

OH MY GEESH…It’s a TWEEN..NOOOO!!

26I don’t even know where to start or begin, work in, find a middle or end. What a doozy.

SN: Sit down, prepare yourself, get a cup of coffee, sweet tea, or whatever your heart’s desire. This is a rather long post and probably one of the most interesting to date. For some of you maybe even mind-blowing. Enjoy!

I have a tween….. I’m still learning to figure out how to control my emotions because well let’s face it I never really was taught how to be a sociably acceptable human being, and until I met my husband I never truly realized the depth of how far down my emotions, specifically anger went. Now my eldest is a tween. A flipping adolescent who is giving me a run for my money on attitude and emotional control. I never really had an issue with respecting my elders or being ungrateful for what I had in life. I definitely had an issue with seeing everything from the pessimistic point of view, and that is something I still struggle with today.

They say that your children specifically the one who is the same gender as you AND firstborn is the one that’s supposedly guaranteed to give you 10x’s more of your own worst attributes than you ever thought possible. I really believed this to be a myth or an old wives tale. It was realized as fact with my daughter. She is so much of me, good and bad, light and dark, wonderful, amazing, resilient, and eager. Yet she is also the worst part of me and then some. I really see a lot of my mother in her. Sometimes I wonder how it missed me (Thank you Jesus) and hit her. She seems to have inherited the worst qualities that woman has ever, and still does possess. The sheer mouthiness and lack of utter respect that she has for me and her father, or any adults much less any other human being drives me to a maddening point. At such a point I’m forced to separate myself from her before I lose my religion and say something that can’t be unsaid. In the age of offense and safe spaces I fear that my daughter is going to grow up to be a whining, narcissistic, liberal, sociopath with one of the biggest senses of entitlement to be seen yet.

I remember the day she was born, I remember how hard she fought for her life those first 72 hours, and the first two weeks she bravely refuted the odds in that little incubator. She showed me her first bit of fight and courage. Through her first year of life she showed my amazing resiliency and the will to learn no matter the circumstances. When she met my husband at the age of two she had no reservations or fear of this new man beside her mommy. She openly welcomed him into her life with her baby dolls, tea parties, pretend castles, forts, hot wheels, and dress up clothes that usually ended up muddy outside from her bike rides and adventures. She gave him a chance before I did and she did so with only that love and openness an innocent child with pure love can do. Sometimes I wonder if she was as happy as I was on our wedding day. The joy in her face and the twinkle in her eye. The constant laughter and sheer excitement that had her bouncing up and down the beach through the sand as we tried to keep her dress nice and clean. In her mind her daddy found her and he was her’s forever.

Through the next few year’s as various family members re-entered her life and proceeded to walk out of it then forcefully re-enter it again she started to change. Gone was that gleeful joy on her face that no one could ever take away, and it was replaced with concern and fear of the upheaval taking place in her life. It was later replaced with acceptance and understanding of why these things had happened as she still held on to that spark in her eye and the happiness inside. However, I knew, as a mother you only have to feel the essence your child carries to know what’s changed and why. That is until they become tiny, little, hormone raging, psychopaths with the intent to drive you insane before they turn 16.

Savanna started rebelling at the age of 7, it has been ever present since, but she hit her plateau of mischief and utter spitefulness at the age of 8. She had seen six different doctors, two of which were counselors, two psychiatrists, and two pediatrician’s. All of them agreed she had ADHD as well as Anxiety. Her first psychiatrist who we took her to for testing stated she was suffering from not only ADHD and Anxiety, but an unspecified mood disorder and ODD. Savanna started seeing a counselor during this time and was referred to a psychiatrist by her pediatrician. Her new psychiatrist had an in house counselor who Savanna started seeing as well as her other counselor, and they all agreed she was most certainly ADHD positive, suffered from GAD, and a kick of anxiety separation. Her psych believed she also suffered from unspecified mood disorder and her in house counselor agreed. However, only her psych believed that she suffered from ODD. They all did agree though, that all of her disorders and disabilities were due to the traumatic experiences she had been through so young in life; and the constant upheaval of people who should have been permanent parts of her life making themselves available whenever convenient for them.

I am by no means exonerated from this, as if I were more mature at the time I probably could have handled things quite a bit differently that would have resulted in either a) the permanent removal of said people, or b) I could have at the very least done something about it sooner. Nevertheless, what is done is indeed done. Savanna was put on medication to help with her ADHD as she had trouble with schooling, and as the medication intensified her anxiety she was put on an anti-depressant to help relieve this effect. She is now 10 and is off the ADHD medication completely and doing quite well without it. She is on the lowest dose of her anti-depressant medication and will hopefully be completely off of it by the start of the new year. The improvements she has made in the past year is by far more than leaps and bound and I’m starting to see that little girl who’s joy knew no limits uncover herself right before my eyes again.

Unfortunately, with that comes the little girl who truly believes she knows best and is in her own right an adult capable of making most decisions for herself on her own. Not only does she think this way, she behaves this way, and acts on it. She does this at home, school, in public places, in other people’s homes, and even at church in the past. I know most of it goes hand in hand with the age and the territory, but this is on another entirely different level and playing field. How quickly her bright, beautiful, loving, blue eyes can turn to menacing, deceitful, mocking pits of terror truly shakes me to my core. Savanna is infatuated with boys, has already had her first sneak peek into watching porn, bye-bye tablet, habitually lies to make herself look as innocent as possible, and is the youngest master manipulator I know. The force is strong with this one and the dark side would love to have her as their new reigning Sith Lord.

To bring you a scale deeper and to clear up a few things stated above I will enlighten you on a bit of Savanna’s unacceptable behaviors that came to her as a learned behavior. Mind you these are just a few of the MANY behaviors my daughter has exhibited. My mother, who is a qualified, narcissistic, bi-polar sociopath has told Savanna countless times since the age of 2 that she does not have to listen to me or my husband. That it is okay for her to do what she wants as long as she listens to her mammie AKA my mom. She has also ingrained in my daughter that it is okay to lie to me, and other adults as long as she tells her mammie the truth, and it is also okay to keep secrets; but with mammie only. My mother has basically brainwashed my daughter into believing it is okay to disrespect your elders, not follow directions, lie to everyone, and keep secrets no matter what they are. As long as it’s with every other person on this planet except my mother. Not only has my mother told my daughter this, but she has also shown her that it is okay by her actions. My mother has lied to me and countless others numerous times in front of Savanna, she enables her negative behavior by arguing with me, and questioning me and my authority in front of my daughter; and she has also badgered Savanna several times by asking her asinine questions.

Such as:

  • Are you happy with your parents?
  • Are mommy and daddy nice to you?
  • Would you like to come live with me?
  • Do you get what you want here?
  • Do you feel loved?
  • Do they feed you enough?
  • Do you feel abused or neglected?
  • Do you think you need more attention?
  • Do you think they care more about your younger brother than they do you?

Now. I understand that if this was a normal situation and my relatives were normal people then some of these questions seem completely appropriate, and it’s just my mother being a normal grandma. However, this is not the case. When my mother took advantage of me joining the military and having to grant her temporary guardianship of my daughter (so that I could leave for basic) by trying to come and take my child from me and gain full permanent custody the following year because she did not like the way I was raising her is not a normal action. When my mother called my daughter’s paternal grandmother and made up countless lies to her so that she would call DFCS on my husband and I so that they together could try to get my daughter’s biological father custody of my daughter is not normal. When my mother also called every single other member in my family who would listen to her on both sides of my family to try and make me out to be a horrible, abusive, mean, neglectful mother to my child is not normal.

I’m sure you are wondering some of the following questions as I would wonder some of the same:

  • Why did she do all those things?
  • What made her think all these horrible things about you?
  • Is any of it true?
  • Are you a bad parent?
  • How do you know she did all these things?
  • Why should I believe anything you are posting here? This is just your side of the story.

LET me tell you. I’m more than happy to answer those questions. One my mother is insane. As listed above she is the most narcissistic textbook sociopath I know. She is also bi-polar and a hypochondriac to boot. Secondly, I think that because my mother helped me raise my daughter for 18 months of her life that she feels entitled to her somehow. Thirdly, I think that because she watched what my daughter and I went through with her biological father that she didn’t trust me to do right by my own child. Finally, I also think that because of all the mistakes she made with me, she projected these same attributes onto me and has now convinced herself that I am the person she makes me out to be.

If you need any further explanation on questions 1 and or 2, or you are unsure of what a narcissist and a sociopath is please use Google and educate yourself, it is rather intense and interesting to say the least. If you are a geek like me in how the human mind works. In a nutshell these people are some of the most selfish, controlling, manipulative, habitual lying, vindictive, entitled, and offended people you will ever meet. Not to mention they are always playing the victim card and never seem to know what they did wrong to anyone. When the same problem reoccurs with not just one person but several you are probably the problem. Ever hear that saying? Yeah? Been through it? You have either a) dealt with someone in gross denial about a particular trait or b)came into contact with a narcissist.

Number 3 and 4. No. I was investigated by DFCS, my husband and I both were for the phone calls made by my daughter’s “concerned” grandmother’s and they cleared us of any neglectful, abusive, or improper care of both of our children. Which was just one of the many traumatic experiences my daughter had to go through. Thanks mom! I do not think I’m a bad parent, nor do I believe I’m supermom either. Have I made mistakes in parenting before? Yes. Could I have made better choices? Yes. Do my children go without? No. Are they properly clothed, fed, housed, cared for, and loved? Yes. 110% Are they spoiled? To an extent. Are they disciplined? Yes. Are they abused? No. Do I make them do chores? Yes. They are taught you have to earn things that they can not just be handed to you.

Number 5. I know she did all these things, because of the following:

  • My daughter’s paternal grandmother called me and told me
  • One of the caseworkers at the DFCS slipped and told me
  • The majority of my family members all called and told me the viscous rumors and lies my mother had made up about me and my husband.
  • My daughter told me when she was 9 years old all the things my mother had told her after intensive psychological treatment from her doctors.

Number 6. Well now you don’t’ have to do you? That’s the beauty of the internet, some things can be proven and verified while others can’t. Either way it’s not going to affect me in the slightest what you choose to believe and not believe. I’m simply sharing this because it’s my blog and my tween drove me to the brink of insanity last night. None of this makes me love her any less, nor does it hinder her intelligence, dull her shine, make her less capable of love, or less of the most beautiful girl I have ever created with my body, and surely nonetheless miraculous. I hope that someone out there that needs some help and advice or just simply needs to know they aren’t alone and aren’t crazy reads this and realizes that their stable and more than likely a good parent trying to do their best with an unruly child. Or maybe you have a crazy family member that you just can’t deal with anymore and you are seriously considering suicide or going and seeing a doctor to pour out your mind’s antics.

Let me tell you, you are not alone, you are brave, you are beautiful, and the apple of God’s eye. As one of my favorite Pastor’s says hitting control+alt+delete in real life isn’t mean. It is sometimes necessary and doesn’t mean you stop loving that person. It simply means you love yourself enough to let them go. Put them on the balcony and let them watch you from a distance. Until next time, as always

Peace and Love,

J.

Blasting News

​http://us.blastingnews.com/mgm/?mgmbn=_pM1QUzk3wsfq1Zd6VW9nPUPsf1N47bWw5jGflqT9B8O0325-1cTVyppsQSw0jPkn0_
So this site is us.blastingnews.com and it’s a website where you can write your own articles according to the sites rules and regulations. You also get paid on them based on how many people check out your article. 

There’s the link to get started if you are interested. I’m going to write there as well as here and see how it goes. They will pay you and if you have any thoughts, please share in the comments! 
Peace and Love,

      J.

Veteran’s

You are a dying breed and I feel grossly underappreciated for the things you do. Not many people these days realize the true depth if what you do each day and the reality of what you signed up for. 
But I do and I appreciate each and every one if you, past and present. You are simply what this world needs more of and I nor anyone else could ever thank you enough for using your God Given right to serve. 

So thank you Veteran’s and thank you to my husband for truly putting strangers lives above your own. 

Peace and Love
           J.

Strive to be better than yourself and them….

“​15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.” 1 Peter 2:15-16 ESV, The Holy Bible, BibleGateway.com

I think we should truly take this scripture to heart and do our best to live by it daily. No matter what one says about you, how much they slander you, your views, your religion, your ethics, etc. Continue to remember and live this verse. 

“Live in such a way that if anyone spoke badly of you no one would believe it”.

       Peace & Love Always,

                        J

The Election Is Over! 

Courtesy of Facebook Page K Love

Y’all, it’s finally over and we can all undoubtedly say whether we like it or not our new President is Donald J. Trump. I know some of you are ecstatic while others are downright outraged. However, there are a few things we need to remember as Americans. 

  • We have all felt this way before during past elections. (Maybe not as strongly, because this was a crazy campaign year indeed).
  • It’s our job as the people to not just stand behind our President, but to make sure he backs up what he said he would do. 
  • Our number one priority is to unite as a people and as a country; put and end to this division. 

We are called the United States of America for a reason. We are a united people, on a united front, and the establishment I meant to serve us. If we don’t like it then we stand together to change it. Not against each other because we disagree. I ask that all of you stop for a moment and take a look inside your heart before you lash out or rub in someone’s face these results. Would you want that done to you? We must be kind to one another, support each other, love another, and look past each other’s and our own faults so that we may be able to “Make America Great Again”. 

It’s not about the 1%, it’s not about the movements, it’s not about the Democrats or Republicans, nor is it about the insert ethnicity and education here vs another insert ethnicity and education here. It’s about us. The people. American. We all bleed red, white, and blue and we are all simply Americans who want the same things. We must not forget fairness and equality, as well as compromise. 

In Conclusion, as I pray for our country, our people, our land, our government, and our soon to be new government, I ask that you will join me in praying. Praying that God will cover us, protect us and this land, bless us in abundance, guide us, and unite us. We are truly “One Nation Under God”.
          Peace and Love Always,

                               J

Election Time

It’s that time again people. It’s been four years and now America gets to receive a new POTUS.  With that being said, here’s my passionate, a tad angry, a smidge sarcastic, 110% real, and honest point of view.  Supported with facts of course!

election-four

I loathe Hillary Clinton.  I know I probably need to work on my forgiveness and love your neighbor skills as a Christian when it comes to this woman, but I seriously am shocked and downright pissed that she has been able to get off scotch free with everything she has done; and all of her supporters act like it’s no big deal.  At the very least they act like Donald Trump’s treatment of women is so much  more severe and degrading than the actual crimes Hillary has committed not to mention her degradation of women, people of color, power abuse, and LIES. Yup there it is. I said it. This woman is a straight up LIAR.  It’s not that I support Trump because frankly I think Americans can do way better than any of the 4 candidates we have running for POTUS, I just think we have failed this country as our government has.  The corruption that abounds in government is not only maddening, it is atrocious, and demeaning to this country.  It goes against everything that America stands for.  We are simply the equivalent to the UK’s government except instead of  a Queen we have  a President that is voted into office by the Congress.  In the UK Congress is the equivalent of Parliament and they have a Prime Minister. Except the same rules don’t apply here in America your vote doesn’t count, I hate to tell you, but your vote, my vote, the average American joe’s vote does NOT count.  They don’t tally up your POPULAR vote to see who is going to be the next POTUS.  They tally up the electoral college’s vote to decide the next POTUS. Is the electoral college suppose to take into account the popular vote?  Yes, but how many of them do you think actually do? Politicians and Lobbyists are in general the most corrupt people and business you will ever face in this country.  They care about lining their pockets and not losing their heads. Because Mrs. Clinton has proven time and again you will die by some tragic accident or commit suicide if you cross her.

The FBI has been infiltrated and has no power due to the DOJ and their Mrs. Lynch, who made sure that Hillary wasn’t going to go down for the crimes her and our current POTUS, along with Ambassador Stevens and countless other aides, administration officials, and politicians were involved in.  If that happened then at least half of the administration and elected officials would be found guilty of treason.  You can refute my claims and the facts that I have stated along with proof to back it up, and that’s your American right (for now) to do so.  However, if you are honestly naïve enough to believe that WikiLeaks doesn’t hold any depth and that those documents are doctored you my friend are truly suffering from Cognitive Dissonance.  Which in my humble opinion is the majority of the problem with  most liberals today, and the fact that they can be offended about any and everything, BUT no on else is allowed to be if they disagree.  Again, Cognitive Dissonance.  (Rambling again, I do apologize).  This also  comes directly into play with the fact that it is absolutely impossible to go through over 650,000 emails in eight days.  Director Comey has failed the American people again.  Let’s start with a list of crimes, yes I said crimes, because that is what they are not opinions or values, CRIMES… that Hillary has committed since her tenure as Secretary of State and First Lady.

  • 33,000 CLASSIFIED emails on her private server at home
  • Paying Saudi Arabia $1 Million to do her dirty work
  • Using the Clinton Foundation’s money to aid above point and countless other illegal activities
  • Using the Clinton Foundation’s money to pay for her daughter’s wedding
  • Threatening and slandering of the women her husband sexually assaulted
  • Whitewater scandal where she committed perjury and obstruction of justice
  • Aiding foreign enemies with our military weapons, in specific Stingers
  • Technically aiding and abetting foreign enemies because she knew that there would be an attack on our Benghazi consulate due to her ties with these enemies
  • Paying Sidney Blumenthal through the Clinton Foundation to be her aide due to the fact Obama wouldn’t allow him on the WH Staff due to negative remarks he made about the POTUS
  • Running for the office of POTUS
election-three
Exhibit A

 

Now these are just the crimes I have decided to list here, I’m sure not all of them are accounted for and this does not include her long list of lies dating back to the 70’s.  This is simply a short list of crimes committed by Hillary that should have by law warranted her arrest. I’m sure you have a few questions about my list such as:

  1. Where did I get this information from?
  2. How are some of these non-obvious crimes actually illegal?
  3. How is Hillary’s running for office of the POTUS a crime?

Well my dear friend first of all, my sources will be listed at the end of this post for your research pleasure.  Secondly, we will start with all crimes associated with the Clinton Foundation.  Using money from the Clinton Foundation to pay for the above is illegal solely because charity money is strictly and legally allowed to be used only on charity funds.  Thirdly, we will jump into Hillary and our foreign enemies.  Not only is it a criminal act to aid and abet known or possibly foreign and domestic enemies it is treason for one in her position as Secretary of State to do so.  It is also illegal to withhold information that could prevent an attack on our country whether it is domestic or it is on our embassy’s.  Lastly, as the SOS not just a  DOD employee it is highly inappropriate and illegal to store, receive, maintain, etc any CLASSIFIED documents, emails, etc on a private server that is not through the DOD.  Finally, Clinton’s running for POTUS is illegal due to 18 U.S. Code 2071-Concealment, removal or mutilation generally – which states the following: (b) Whoever, having the custody of any such record, proceeding, map, book, document, paper, or other things, willfully and unlawfully conceals, removes, mutilates, obliterates, falsifies, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both; and shall forfeit his office and be disqualified from holding any office under the United States.  Any office folks, not just POTUS.  How you wonder did she do this? Those emails. Yup that’s right.

election-two

Now with all that being said I know there are those of you who do not care about these FACTS.  You have read them before and you know them but you still choose to support this woman because you my friend are simply UNAMERICAN.  It has been proven over a 30 year period she is not the lesser of evils but because your offended, hypocritical, illogical mind distorts the truth and perceives what it wants you will still disregard and blatantly refute any of these ACTUAL PROVEN FACTS.  That’s okay, scroll on, don’t follow me, etc, you are entitled to it.  Now if you have not read any of the WikiLeaks or simply don’t care to believe anything that is in them, there is also the same information on Hillary’s server, but it is being covered up by many FBI agents, DOJ officials, and most importantly, my personal favorite corrupt official Loretta Lynch. Not to mention the Obama administration, because if you think he didn’t have a hand in this, then whooooooooohooooooooooo you are off your rocker.  Anyways I’m rambling again, on to the point! Ambassador Stevens was sent on a mission to Benghazi, it was a do or die mission, since he brokered the deal for Hillary for our enemies to receive our Stingers he had to go retrieve them.  Why? Because they had to cover their tracks. See one of the Stingers sold to the terrorists was used in 2012 on a Chinook.  The Chinook was able to land with service members discovering that the stinger used against them was one of our own because of the special codes, numbers, serials inscribed in them.  So Mr. Stevens had to go to Benghazi and retrieve these stingers or at least destroy them.  In the process he managed to have four of our retired service members killed, his staff member that accompanied him, and he got himself, raped, burned, prodded, cut, and straight up massacred.  That’s why Hillary refused to send help because she is a lying, two-faced, backstabbing, treasonous coward who cares about #1.

Now let’s get on to the issues here, this is more of a matter of personal opinion than it is anything else and what you morally can and can not accept.  I oppose every single thing that Hillary stands for.  Not to say that I support everything Trump stands for, but I can not as a Christian, woman, mother, American, and morally just person stand for the following:

  • Abortions
  • Obamacare
  • Planned Parenthood
  • Stem Cell Research
  • Political Free Speech Restrictions
  • All Women in The Draft

I also don’t agree with a lot of other things either candidate or all candidates support, like pipelines, keeping the 1% in power, etc.  However, this is just about Hillary.  Abortion is wrong period, you can take that it’s a woman’s right to choose bologna and shove it.  It’s you right to choose whether or not you wanna risk getting pregnant, not end a life because you made a mistake or a bad choice at the wrong time.  The  majority of Planned Parenthood’s funding goes to abortions and the funds come from the government, so all that other hype about women’s health care, birth control, etc is crap.  You can get that at your local health dept too.  Stem Cell research is majorly from aborted babies, so no I can’t support that.  I do not agree with any restrictions on free speech whatsoever especially if you are trying to limit the church or a business owner. I don’t care what religion you are you have the right to free speech of any kind, any where you want it, and how.  As long as you are not inciting violence and committing crimes.  I’m against all women having to sign up for the draft for this one reason: If every man and woman over the age of 18 has to sign up for the draft and we are all drafted then who is going to take care of the minors? As prior service, who at the time was a single mother I know just how difficult and daunting that can be.  Not to mention there are service members who are being forced out of the military because of that very reason.

election-1

I with all of my heart and being believe if we don’t do something and unite to stop all of this corruptness, division, hatred, and downright intolerance of each other and each other’s beliefs this country will be facing another Civil War followed by Martial Law.  I love my people, my country, and what it use to stand for entirely too much for that to happen.  So guys please see that Hillary Clinton is not the answer, she is the antithesis of it.  Join me as a America loving, Constitution supporting, Freedom of Speech believing, Equality supporting, Flag wearing, Justice bound citizen and unite to make this country truly “Land of the Free, Home of the Brave”.   I  hope you have enjoyed this post, learned something you didn’t know about current events, and/or respect my right to freedom of speech if neither of the above apply to you. As always blessings and may God’s favor abound in your life.

Peace and love,

J.

election-5   Sources: https://www.google.com/amp/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/396182/

http://www.google.com

Common sense from being a military wife and learning Army Regulations as well as DOD Policy

All photos posted in blog are also sources of factual evidence.

Here We Go…Hey Y’all

Life, Self-Help, Insecurity, Falling down, Making your way to the top.

So I was thinking and going through all the writings I already have on paper to decide which one should be my first post.  Then I thought “By golly!” LOL <—– if I even pick one of these I will never get any followers, and they will know the true depth of my craziness without understanding why.  Now then, I know there’s about 3-5 different little areas here where your suppose to write “about” or “describe” yourself, but I know it’s a bit more complicated than that for me and you good people deserve a backstory.  So here we go!….. In the briefest way possible.  I pray I am able to connect with you and give you the hope, inspiration, drive, emotion, will, whatever it is by sharing! My name is Jordan(female here), I’m 27 years young, and pursuing the calling on my life.  I’m absolutely blessed to have the guy I do as my forever.  No really, I am! He should have killed me by now.  I’m difficult, abrasive, blunt, outgoing, stubborn, spoiled, and mean when Ohhhhh I’m in any shape, form, or space uncomfortable.  However, I do have my redeeming qualities, Such as: I’m loyal to a fault, kind, protective, big hearted, honest, real, a go getter, an awesome cook, superb advice giver, smart, loving, and weeeellll not too hard on the eyes.  I’m also very open minded and  non judgmental.  That’s ALOT coming from my upbringing folks! I blame all the negative traits and qualities on my heritage, and the fact that there are waaaaaaaayyyyy toooooooooo many offended people out in this big world today.  Anyhoo, I was raised in Southeast Georgia back and forth from a piss, poor, small town and Atlanta.  My mother is a bible thumping Pentecostal and my daddy AKA the sperm donor is a Southern Baptist.  I was raised between the two since an infant and I watched both my parents tear each other and themselves apart.  How? You wonder? Here’s a short list below:

  • Mom-Belligerent Nagger
  • Dad-Drunk
  • Mom-Classic Religitard
  • Dad-Cheater
  • Mom-Gold Digger
  • Dad-Habitual Drug User
  • Mom-Habitual Liar
  • Dad-Never Communicated
  • Both-Hypocrites-Talked about each other to their families
  • Both-Used me as their pawn from a very young age

So over the course of my early life they were married and divorced a total of 5 times……to each other.  I was an early bloomer and very promiscuous so I lost my virginity to a “good ole Christian Country boy” at a young age.  I rebelled as hard as I could against my mother, (that’s another for another time), started smoking cigarettes at 11, drinking at 13, drugs at 14, raped at 15, and that’s not all.  I got into a life altering car accident at the age of 16 where my “friends” left me for dead.  I was in a coma for a week, in the hospital for 3 months, and did rehabilitative outpatient therapy for an additional 6 months learning how to walk again due to the injuries I sustained.  Right after we moved back home and a few weeks before my 17th birthday I wound up pregnant with my firstborn.  Shortly after her biological father proposed to me and I said yes. LIKE AN IDIOT! Thankfully, we did not end up tying the knot.  I know he would agree with me on that too.   He became very physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive a few months into my pregnancy.  My pregnancy was high-risk and I left him halfway through it.  Then the stupid girl that I was let her hormones get the best of her and take over till she ran back to him…..THE NIGHT I WENT INTO LABOR.  My daughter had some medical issues at birth and was on life support for the first 72 hours of her life, she spent 2 weeks in the NICU, and is now healthy as an Ox.  I finally got my wits about me and left her biological father for good.  He never tried to have much interaction with her at that point in her life, and to be honest I never saw him taking an interest in her life EVER(or him growing up)… Until I got engaged.  Again another story for another time. SN: I’m not bashing bio dad here, I’m simply stating facts that happened at this current time in our lives.  To continue, I already had my GED, and had started college while working two jobs.  Yes I still lived in that some crap hole town.  Little did I know that later that year I was going to meet my husband.  One night at Fort Gordon, GA while my brother from another and I were shopping for his big party for his birthday I saw a handsome fellow, but couldn’t muster the courage to talk to him and introduce myself.  Oh my, but Arthur didn’t mind doing it for me! So he got my number and then proceeded to wait a WHOLE DAY to call me!  After 3 months of dating he flew me out to meet his family during Exodus and bamboozled me with a proposal and a wedding in his mother’s living room three days later.  We came back to Georgia, he finished AIT, and got order to Fort Stewart, GA (OF ALL PLACES).  We then started our new lives together.  I transferred schools and eventually graduated, we got pregnant and gave Savanna (our beautiful daughter) a baby brother.  We had our up’s and down’s, legal battles with Savanna’s biological father (Yet again, another story, another time), issues with each other’s families, and being a new couple, but we worked through it with God’s grace.  Mac was agnostic when I first met him and I with little effort converted him to Christianity.  We had a great church and stayed at Fort Stewart for 8 years.  When I say we had trials and tribulations, lots of adventures too, (That too, is yet AGAIN, another story for another time) let’s say we put the CAPITAL T in it.  This year Mac got orders to Fort Sill, Oklahoma.  Now before I get ahead of myself let’s briefly discuss that up until 2015, starting in 2012 I was a binge drinking alcoholic.  Anytime I had a sitter I was out getting drunk.  In February God slapped me over the so hard that my rude awakening was a total meltdown.  I was diagnosed with several medical conditions and my anxiety attacks were on like Donkey Kong.  I had a nervous breakdown due to many reasons not listed and had to pick up the pieces of my life.  I did that with the support of my Mac, my sister Tara, and God.  It was just me and God a lot, but he tends to give you people when you ask for help. 🙂  I couldn’t have been more excited, stressed, happy, terrified, ecstatic, sad, and emotional about the move.  After all, the farthest I had ever lived from Georgia was New Orleans, LA and we only traveled to Kansas City, Missouri side, when we had the cash.  I’m pleasantly surprised here. The weather is great, the humidity is barely recognizable.  The land is beautiful, there is so much more to do in the town we live in, and it’s much bigger.  The people though………It’s about 50/50.  Due to my multiple tattoos, partially shaved head, retro attire, and RBF as it has been aptly coined, I try to pay no mind.  Sometimes it’s blatantly obvious though, like when it’s your cashier at the check out line that refuses to utter a single syllable to you.  None of that matters in the long run though, we are called to be a light unto the world and shine for Jesus.  So for every single person’s darkness I can  illuminate then that’s a win! I have written here a brief account of some of the good and not so good things that I have endured over my short time here on Earth.  There is oh so much more that I promise to share with you, because I believe God uses our messes for other’s messages.  I know this is my platform and my duty is to help you find you and your happiness.  So until next time blessings always and may God’s favor abound you.

Peace & Love,

J

DISCLAIMER: I don’t care what your religion is, if you have one or not, your political affiliation, your sexual orientation, your race, your past, your present, what you have been through or are going through, your personal views, etc.  I WANT TO HELP YOU! I KNOW THAT I CAN BE THAT LIGHT FOR YOU IF YOU WILL SIMPLY ALLOW IT.